male female sign

Girl Power vs. Guy Code

Why Females Always Usually Lose

Today I’m voicing my opinion on why women are each other’s biggest obstacles and why if we could live by the rules of Guy Code and support each other, we would, as a sex, be far better.

The advantage is ours. We outrank males on so many levels. Women are the smarter gender: we invest better, we tolerate pain better, we live longer and healthier lives, we are cleaner, and a recent study has even revealed that we are evolving more beautifully while men are staying the same.

To me this news as nearly as exciting as pulling a pair of jeans out of the dryer and finding a five dollar bill in the pocket – talk about a score! YES to found money and YES to being female! Unfortunately though, with all the things we excel in, there are a still few things men not only beat us in, but women will never be able to overcome.

 

The most obvious advantage men have is strength, however this really isn’t a problem as women, being the smarter sex can easily convince a man to move any heavy object when needed. Let’s face it, even a smart man who knows he is being manipulated will allow this to happen if he enjoys any aspect of the female. From looks to conversation, if a guy is intrigued, he most likely will willingly help the physically weaker sex out and if not because he is interested in the female, because his ego will kick in and he will assist with the heavy lifting simply because he is able and likes to prove it. If not interest or ego, the guy will assist because he is a gentleman and holds his own set of standards. EASY!

 

The real advantage men have, however is GUY CODE.

Guy Code/Man Law/Bro Code/Man Etiquette is a universal, innate understanding, shared amongst men all over the world. By the laws of Guy Code, men do not provide any information that could ever incriminate their male friends when questioned, they never betray their male friends, a wrestling match or rock-paper-scissors can truly be used to settle an argument without that argument resurfacing hours or days later, and most importantly, a guy will never go behind another guy’s back to his mother, girlfriend or wife, to talk about a problem he has with the other.

Ladies, here’s the kicker – guys never have to be told that these are the rules as they are born knowing them! If we are truly the smarter gender and we aren’t born with Girl Code and yet still have understood that we’d need to create our own code, how in the world did we come up with Girl Power, rather Chick Code? How have we not taught ourselves not to hate other women because of their size and shape, or to control our natural, jealous, envy-filled, other-women hating instincts? Holy Cow – we are our own worst enemies!

 

Here’s where we fail ladies: We, all of us, are at times jealous of other women and we let that jealousy get the best of us.

Of course there are some of you who will immediately deny the statement above and I can tell you, honestly, that you are only fooling yourself. Even if you rarely get jealous, or behave in that irrational way that is known as “typical female”, and even if you have many female friends and a strong base of male friends who tell you that you’re the most sane female they’ve ever met, you are still guilty of not having Chick Code and you have still been threatened by another woman at some point and done one of the following:

  • Called a woman who is clearly not overweight “fat” and “ugly” because she has somehow upset the balance of your fragile emotional self
  • Gossiped with your friends about how another female received a promotion, was hired for a job, graduated early, affords things you cannot, is married while you are not, is more successful than you, is dating a guy you wish you were dating, is pregnant or has a family when you do not, or in general possess something you wish you had.
  • Displayed passive aggressive behavior – posted confrontational or rude statements intended for another female to view on Facebook, Twitter, or other forms of social media, forgotten a females coffee order when you offered to pick up coffee for the group, or any otherwise expressive, aggressive behavior in a non-assertive, subtle way.
  • Intentionally undermined another woman’s self-confidence

 

Now before you female readers get mad and start calling me names and saying I’m the reason women are held back in this world, take a minute to remove your emotions, think about this logically, and keep reading.

 

It is our hotbed of insecurity issues that makes our estrogen-laced gender the weaker sex and why we, as intelligent females need to throw away the days of Girl Power and adopt a more stable set of gender laws: Chick Code. If we cannot learn to control our jealous and envious tendencies, and truly support other females in their achievements and found happiness, we will forever be the lesser gender. It’s time, as females, we stand beside each other, not allowing pettiness to come between us. It’s time we acknowledge our own insecurities and stop our passive aggressive, social networking, name calling posts.

It’s time we stop incriminating our own sex, stop calling a foul when someone legitimately out plays us, and learn from their moves, rather trying to belittle them.

 

If we aren’t going to challenge our female friends to an arm-wrestling match to settle our differences, then we need to accept defeat when a female ‘levels up’. If we cannot that easily move forward, we need to invent our own pissing-match tiebreaking method. I personally suggest a kicking contest because I’m good at it, but I’m game for whatever you ladies prefer. I’m a winner and I keep proving that each time life knocks me down and I not only get back up, but also rise above my previous status. I’ll accept any challenge presented, but I’d like to rise to the top alongside other great females. It’s possible ladies – look at the US Women’s National Soccer and Volleyball Teams and The Radio City Rockettes. If these groups of women can complete their seasons as a team and be successful, so can we as a gender.

 

Girl Power has proven to be ineffective. I’m offering up a new strategy called Chick Code, who’s in?

Flower Stands out

Pick ME!

Remember the days when you were standing outside on the playground and there were two captains, picking teams to play kickball. Everyone stood silently as one by one, the teammates were chosen. No one wanted to be the last to be picked and no one wanted to show how important it was to be first. Silently, we waited while loudly our minds screamed “Pick Me!”

The times in my life where I was the last to be chosen aren’t many, but each one stung and burned in ways that made me understand that I am competitive by nature. I don’t view life or love as games, but I so badly want to win in them both. So, how do you win if you don’t want to play? Simply said – it can’t be done. So you choose, to be a spectator or to get on the game field and wait to be picked. Now I’ve never been one for waiting around, so I’m always practicing, honing my skills, trying to perfect my crafts of living and loving, ultimately trying to put myself in the top spot – the first to be picked. I want that spot and I want everyone to know that I won. That’s right – I’ve got an ego and she is big, but I’ve also got a heart and she is strong, so together they make one competitive, confident, talented, skill-honing woman who is still standing secretly thinking “Pick Me!”

Using a rearview mirror to see

A Blur in My Mirror

 

Last April, someone told me that I couldn’t live life looking through the rearview mirror. At the time, I wasn’t living in the past, I was simply stating what was unacceptable in my life -a been there, done that kind of thing. The person I conversed with was adamant that my stating “oh, no – I’ve already lived through that once” meant that I couldn’t move forward without hauling the past with me. WRONG!

Now, I’ll admit that you don’t want to drive while looking through the review mirror for extended periods of time, but it’s there for a reason. Tonight – that very reason, from the same conversation in April looked me dead in the eye. She was stunning! And let me tell you – I was completely correct when I defended someone I had never met. I had been there, I had done that and I was right in saying what I said.

Tonight, when I met “said person” I was so glad that I hadn’t been talked out of using my mirrors to determine dangerous blind spots. I was blind, but not to the goodness of this wonderful person. I move ahead by looking through the windshield, but that mirror to look behind you is there for a reason – if only to remind you what you’re leaving behind and how much better you’ll be because of it! A friendship was forged today, but the makings of it began last spring. And we both have used our mirrors to move forward – to bigger and better places.

“The past is like using your rear-view mirror in the car, it’s good to glance back and see how far you’ve come, but if you stare too long you’ll miss what’s right in front of you.”

Why

All Days End in “Why”

It seems as if I find myself asking the question “why?” more and more these days. I have so many unanswered questions that I believe I may have grown accustomed to accepting “that’s just the way it is” or “no one knows” as answers, when before I would have never swallowed that down. Maybe it’s age that makes us begin to simply accept certain things in life, but I don’t believe it’s maturity. Time may teach us to stop asking the same questions over and over again, but what have we learned other than digression?

I know life doesn’t come with a manual that explains what to do when something goes awry, but wouldn’t it be great if it did? I don’t want life to be pre-written, or even to have a way around my mistakes I’ve made in the past, or the ones I’m bound to make in the future; I’d simply like a thorough explanation every once in a while.

We spend so much of our lives justifying our actions (even if it’s in our subconscious). We give celebratory gifts for milestones in our neighbors, cousins life because it’s expected. We attend events that we don’t care about because we need to make an appearance. We set career goals and strive for certain things because it’s ingrained in our culture to do better and better. The sad thing is, we rarely even question this out loud because we’ve already settled that score with our minds – it’s what we do. But, what about the times when we’ve done something and even though we vaguely recall the beginning of why we did it, we can’t seem to get to the end of why. What about when we make mistakes as adults – it’s like writing in pen. There’s no eraser to just wipe it away and correct it immediately. Why are we allowed to mess up in permanent marker? We’re human and we make mistakes – we were designed this way. We hurt each other, we trip over our own feet, we cry when we’re happy, we get confused and sometimes we just F*#k it up! We aren’t perfect and we know that we aren’t, yet we expect others to be. Why?

We hope and pray and cross our fingers that someone else in this world will love us even though we are flawed. And we believe that they will because, most of us, know we are good people who are out here doing our best at least 99% of the time. We know we’re trying to get it right – we wear our hearts on our sleeves and we smile through our fears and we fight our battles (some proudly, some silently) and we give it everything we’ve got. Yet, there are times that we find ourselves face down in the mud. We’re here and we know we’ve somehow gotten ourselves here, but we can’t quite recall how it seemed to be that the rain started when we were ten feet deep in a hole that we fell in by thinking we could jump over. Because that’s how it is – you see it coming and you think you can face it head on, so you build yourself up and you run and you gain strength and feel the wind on your face so you just let go and leap – and sometimes – you come crashing down. You land on your tush with a thud and you’re ok – it wasn’t what you wanted, but you’re ok. So you pick yourself up and you look at the climb you’ve got to make to get back to where you were and you’re ready to go, but then…the rain starts and you just can’t get out of the hole that you’re in. This is the way of life at times….but why? Why do we have to wait for it to dry out before we can gain our footing again?

I’m out of my hole now, but before me stands a huge mountain. I’m not afraid of the climb, but I hate having to do it alone. I hate it! I hate, hate, hate it! and then I laugh, because I don’t have that much hate in me to be consistent – I just want the hand that fits into mine to be there to hold it. I’m not asking for a hand-out, just a hand-hold. But here I am – climbing in the dark on my own and it hurts. So I swallow the pain down and put one foot in front of the other because what else am I going to do – give up?

As many “whys?” as I have now, I’m not turning around. There’s the promise of sunrise at the top of this mountain and I’m not going to miss it. I’ve a lot of ground to cover and time seems to be running short. This time, I’m leaving my questions here, by choice, and traveling light.

I have a heart full of love, a body of faith, a mind with a set path, and relentless will. I don’t need a pack of baggage. I know where I need to be.

Today may end in “y” – but there’s no question, only movement.